Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
