The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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