dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
