Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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