the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
