I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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