if you like me you must not know who I am
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
