We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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