We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
