My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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