She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
