Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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