what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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