Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
