"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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