In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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