I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
