I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
