so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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