hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
