you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
