she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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