? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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