boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
