dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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