two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
