My Higher Power is John Stamos
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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