Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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