yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
