its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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