My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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