She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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