I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
