My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
