he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
