# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
