Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
