I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
