she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do herpes really smell.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
