everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
