Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
