You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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