Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
try to milk me bitch
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