your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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