He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
