McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
