one might say we're banned from that church
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
