Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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