If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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