God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
