mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
